Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it.
Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment.
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My house was clean. My yard was finally put together. The crap behind my back shed was finally cleared away. Now all I needed was for the weekend to arrive, and with it, a man I'd never met but who I was slowly falling for....
Chapter 18: The Truth vs. the Brain
"Hey you," I said into my phone, smiling and blushing.
"Hey you," he replied. I could hear the sound of his grin through the phone.
"Can you believe it?" I asked.
"I know," he said. "Five days from now I'll be standing on your front porch."
I grinned. I was so ready to finally meet this man who had managed to plant himself firmly on my heart in a matter of a few, short weeks. Our conversations had taken a turn somewhere in the last week without my noticing it. We'd stopped finding out new things about each other and we'd stopped testing each other for solid faith. We were finally just talking, musing, joking.......falling......
After we reluctantly said goodbye that Monday night, I felt compelled to pray and tell the Lord "thank you" until my hand was sore. Ha, you thought I was going to say "throat," didn't you? Nope. When I pray out loud it's really hard for me. My brain knows what I want to say, but my mouth produces gibberish. When I write it down, however, my brain and the prayer match.
Not being confused by your own prayers = really helpful!
As I wrote/prayed, I began thanking the Lord for putting Levi in my life. and I found myself realizing something. Here's what I wrote:
"Also, I want to make a note. I know that I have never even met Levi in person, but last night was the first time I thought to myself that I was falling in love with him. I feel very special and very different about this one...."
What the what?! Falling in love? I even had trouble believing it, and I was the one who wrote it! And obviously I was the one who felt it. Have you ever had that feeling before? You've got a feeling bubbling up inside of you, but your logical brain says, "Hold on a minute govna.'" My brain speaks with a Cockney accent for some reason.
But really! After writing that down I could no longer deny my feelings. I now had to deal with them. And my way of dealing with illogical and foolish feelings is to give my brain free reign to cut them down with logic, reason, and wisdom.
So I let my brain have at it.
You haven't even met him yet.
No, I hadn't. But I'd spent more hours talking intentionally with him than I EVER had in a six-year relationship.
You can't know he feels the same way.
Really, brain? That's what you came up with? He talks to me every day. He called me his "treasure." In the e-mail he wrote to me yesterday he said, "I must tell you that you have the cutest little cheeks. The first time I looked at your eHarmony profile, I thought "Yes, I could get used to that smile and those adorable cheeks." True story." He also wrote, "I feel very, very blessed to have met you. I've got to stop there. I should be saving these things to tell you in person, but I'm having a hard time holding back." And even though I can't know for sure, we met on eHarmony, which means he at least wants to feel that way with somebody.
Okay, but you've only been talking for a MONTH.
The brain was right on this one. It couldn't be denied that we'd only been e-mailing for a month and talking on the phone for just over two weeks. But in that amount of time we'd written 30,000 words back and forth, and talked for over 50 hours on the phone. I did some math, and if a couple who's just started dating went on two dates a week and also had an hour's worth of intentional phone conversation a week, that'd add up to about three hours of intentional conversation for an average person. Give them the benefit of the doubt and round down to about 16 weeks in order to get to 50 hours. That's almost 4 months worth of dating!
But people dating can see each other. They get to experience a person's habits, ticks, and quirks. You haven't done that yet.
No. I hadn't done that yet. That's the one place that had me a little nervous. I guess I was going to find out in four days...
-
The brain had to concede victory to feelings this time. Falling in love with Levi really wasn't foolish or unwise for my part. He'd led me there, and I'd responded wholeheartedly.
But I was suddenly nervous about meeting him. What about those quirks and idiosyncrasies that were particular to him? What if those were, at best, grating, and at worst, morally offensive?
Either way, I didn't have long to wait to find out. Four more days, and then I'd finally meet the man I'd fallen in love with.
-
Oh man.
I really did write that in my journal. I have it out on my table right now, and that sentence is marked with a heart--so I could find it again. I knew it'd be important to me.
Don't throw things at me, but next time we'll be talking on the phone again. And THEN, we'll meet. And THEN, we'll talk face to face.
Next Chapter (Chapter 19: Antici.............pation) Previous Chapter (Chapter 17: Cleaning House)
"Can you believe it?" I asked.
"I know," he said. "Five days from now I'll be standing on your front porch."
I grinned. I was so ready to finally meet this man who had managed to plant himself firmly on my heart in a matter of a few, short weeks. Our conversations had taken a turn somewhere in the last week without my noticing it. We'd stopped finding out new things about each other and we'd stopped testing each other for solid faith. We were finally just talking, musing, joking.......falling......
After we reluctantly said goodbye that Monday night, I felt compelled to pray and tell the Lord "thank you" until my hand was sore. Ha, you thought I was going to say "throat," didn't you? Nope. When I pray out loud it's really hard for me. My brain knows what I want to say, but my mouth produces gibberish. When I write it down, however, my brain and the prayer match.
Not being confused by your own prayers = really helpful!
As I wrote/prayed, I began thanking the Lord for putting Levi in my life. and I found myself realizing something. Here's what I wrote:
"Also, I want to make a note. I know that I have never even met Levi in person, but last night was the first time I thought to myself that I was falling in love with him. I feel very special and very different about this one...."
What the what?! Falling in love? I even had trouble believing it, and I was the one who wrote it! And obviously I was the one who felt it. Have you ever had that feeling before? You've got a feeling bubbling up inside of you, but your logical brain says, "Hold on a minute govna.'" My brain speaks with a Cockney accent for some reason.
But really! After writing that down I could no longer deny my feelings. I now had to deal with them. And my way of dealing with illogical and foolish feelings is to give my brain free reign to cut them down with logic, reason, and wisdom.
So I let my brain have at it.
You haven't even met him yet.
No, I hadn't. But I'd spent more hours talking intentionally with him than I EVER had in a six-year relationship.
You can't know he feels the same way.
Really, brain? That's what you came up with? He talks to me every day. He called me his "treasure." In the e-mail he wrote to me yesterday he said, "I must tell you that you have the cutest little cheeks. The first time I looked at your eHarmony profile, I thought "Yes, I could get used to that smile and those adorable cheeks." True story." He also wrote, "I feel very, very blessed to have met you. I've got to stop there. I should be saving these things to tell you in person, but I'm having a hard time holding back." And even though I can't know for sure, we met on eHarmony, which means he at least wants to feel that way with somebody.
Okay, but you've only been talking for a MONTH.
The brain was right on this one. It couldn't be denied that we'd only been e-mailing for a month and talking on the phone for just over two weeks. But in that amount of time we'd written 30,000 words back and forth, and talked for over 50 hours on the phone. I did some math, and if a couple who's just started dating went on two dates a week and also had an hour's worth of intentional phone conversation a week, that'd add up to about three hours of intentional conversation for an average person. Give them the benefit of the doubt and round down to about 16 weeks in order to get to 50 hours. That's almost 4 months worth of dating!
But people dating can see each other. They get to experience a person's habits, ticks, and quirks. You haven't done that yet.
No. I hadn't done that yet. That's the one place that had me a little nervous. I guess I was going to find out in four days...
-
The brain had to concede victory to feelings this time. Falling in love with Levi really wasn't foolish or unwise for my part. He'd led me there, and I'd responded wholeheartedly.
But I was suddenly nervous about meeting him. What about those quirks and idiosyncrasies that were particular to him? What if those were, at best, grating, and at worst, morally offensive?
Either way, I didn't have long to wait to find out. Four more days, and then I'd finally meet the man I'd fallen in love with.
-
Oh man.
I really did write that in my journal. I have it out on my table right now, and that sentence is marked with a heart--so I could find it again. I knew it'd be important to me.
Don't throw things at me, but next time we'll be talking on the phone again. And THEN, we'll meet. And THEN, we'll talk face to face.
Next Chapter (Chapter 19: Antici.............pation) Previous Chapter (Chapter 17: Cleaning House)
You do like pulling us along! Can't wait for the next chapter.
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