Wednesday, October 22, 2014

An Open Book

Are you back? I didn't scare you away with that huge mess of stuff? Gotta say, I walked through most of my day at work yesterday scared that I'd made a huge mistake sharing all of that. Once home, I read some touching letters from a few ladies, and I was so grateful for the women in my life.

So now what? Where do we go from here?

Well, in the spirit of reality, I'll let you in on what we're up to.

First, we're busier than we've ever been. We actually have activities to go to now! With real people! Outside of our home! It seems that our season of quiet is finally at an end.

Second, we're prepping things around here for winter. Coming from the middle of the country, I never realized that it's actually a large undertaking up here. So emergency kits for the cars, extra caulk where drafts occur, regular heater maintenance, and the oh, so classy, plastic sheets for our front windows are on their way.

And third, we're in the process of trying to get pregnant again.

With that comes all of the questions. Will I tell people right away? Will I hold it in until the "safe" point is reached? Will I do things differently this time? Will I be a nervous wreck? 

It's the sort of stuff that just needs to be taken one day at a time, which is fortunate, because I can document it here as it happens!

I do have an answer for the first two questions, though.

When am I going to tell people I am pregnant?

The answer? As soon as I know!

I will tell Levi first, and then I will tell family members. They will have free reign to spread the word as quickly as they would like. Then it will be posted on the blog, and we will start documenting every bout of morning sickness, every weird craving, and every instance of hormone-induced insanity. 

Part of it is because one of the best resources I had when I was pregnant was this great series by blogger Alpha Mom. It was just so honest and so real about what she was going through while pregnant. And it was so very helpful to have someone willing to talk about those first twelve weeks. The "unsafe" weeks. 

Also, I think it will provide some much needed levity on a blog that could frequently take a turn for the serious and the thoughtful. For the sake of all involved, I will happily lay out there my silliest and most uncomfortable pregnancy experiences.

And lastly, after losing our first pregnancy and realizing just how much I needed all the emotional support that was offered by the women around me, I've come to my own conclusion. If I hadn't told anyone, I am fairly certain that I'd still be struggling just to have a calm and steady day. I'd be able to hide it, but where would the outlet be for the grief and the need to share?

If I had waited to share my pregnancy with those around me it would have done absolutely nothing to prevent me from losing said pregnancy. This would only have added to the shame and the grief I already felt.

And though the loss of a child happens to many women before it's even showing, that isn't always the case. There is no 100% foolproof way to ensure that a pregnancy goes to full term. A loss can happen at any time. There have been multiple women in my family who have not had the option of hiding their pregnancies before losing their children. Though the circumstances were different for all of them, the pain and the grief was not. I can't guarantee safety if I just wait a certain amount of time before I tell people.

I realized through our own process that hiding my pregnancy created more stress and fear in me, rather than preventing it, which is the reason most often cited for waiting until after the first trimester to reveal your news. For my part, I found that not telling people was the wrong decision. It robbed me of the chance to share joy with others, it robbed others of the chance to celebrate with us, and it almost robbed me of the incredible love and support that flowed out after our loss.

Please do not hear me saying that it is wrong for a woman to wait to tell others that she is pregnant. We all need different things and we all have different circumstances. This is simply what will be the best decision for me.


So there you have it. If (please, Lord, let it be when) we are pregnant again, you will know from the beginning. I will share the joys with you, I will share the crazies with you, I will share the hardships with you, and I will also share the heartbreaks with you, should they happen.


Keep it real,

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