The first snow.

I'm sorry I've been gone. The last two weeks have been pretty up and down. A lot of down.

I know I said that I'd be open and transparent about our journey when it comes to us trying to get pregnant again. And a lot has happened in the last two weeks, and I just sort of . . . didn't share. 

I miscarried again.

Not like last time. Thank God not like last time. This time it was much more textbook. 

I had positive pregnancy tests in my hand during my last post. Well, not literally in my hand at that moment, but they were around somewhere. Probably being chewed up by the cat. EW. And I was trying to decide how to break the news. I was tired and starting to feel pregnant. I was about 5 weeks. 

I was planning on letting the news out last Monday. Then a migraine struck on Sunday night and lasted into Tuesday afternoon. Then my stomach started to hurt really badly on Tuesday. I was cramping terribly by Tuesday night, and I didn't sleep at all. I felt better by Wednesday morning, and I began to bleed on Wednesday. It was the worst on Thursday right after I got up. That caused a moment of panic as I had a sort of Vietnam flashback to my mad dash to the bathroom during my first miscarriage. Much the same sort of thing, only less horror. 

I called my midwife first thing on Wednesday, and I had blood labs done on Wednesday and Friday. And since Friday afternoon labs mean you definitely won't know until Monday, I just decided to wait until today to say anything. And I got my call this morning letting me know. 

I'll have to process more at another time. I don't really have the ability right now. 

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It's snowing right now, and I'm in bed with a cat snuggled up to me and the sounds of Levi practicing the bass to Bob Marley upstairs. I'm listening to a fantastic song by an artist called Vienna Teng. You should check her out. And you should watch the video for this song, called "Level Up." It's really fun. 

I don't agree with her lyrics, but the song is just fun.

I was adding things from Pinterest onto a secret baby board when I got my phone call this morning.

I helped Levi shovel our driveway this morning. It was really good to get out into the cold and work.

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I'll be back again tomorrow. I can't promise sunshine, but I can promise real life.

Keep it real,
MB