Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 24

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own sweetly unique moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it.

Everything that happened, and every way we grew, led us to this moment.

Levi is back in Minnesota and I'm still in Kansas. We're in love. It'll be another month before I head up north to visit him for the first time. How do we survive a month apart?

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 23

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own sweetly unique moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it.

Everything that happened, and every way we grew, led us to this moment.

We're officially "an item" now. Big declarations have been made. Love declarations. And it's only the first day we've seen each other in person. Where do we go from here?

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 22

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it.

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment.

Levi and I are now officially "boyfriend and girlfriend." It only gets better from there.

*Names have been changed in this chapter.

Chapter 22: Big Day

As I sat on the floor in front of my couch, basking in the afterglow of becoming "official" and finally relaxing into Levi's side, there came a knock at my front door. Confused, I twisted around to glare at the unknown intruder, trying to figure out who was about to receive a full dose of my rarely-seen irritation. Suddenly, it dawned on me who it was.

In which I really do promise another chapter . . .

I mean it! I have a draft sitting in my post lineup, and I am determined to really make it work this time.

So, by some time tomorrow another chapter of Letters, Lightsabers, and Love will be available. For all I know, it might be just before midnight tomorrow night, but I'm 99.9% sure it's going to happen tomorrow.

In the meantime, you might need to get caught up. Or perhaps you're new and you haven't made it that far yet. Either way, let's start at the very beginning--a very good place to start. Anyone else want to break into song just reading that? No? Just crazy musical theater nerd over here? Ok then.

This is The Prologue of Letters, Lightsabers, and Love. You'll find a link at the end of each chapter allowing you to zip straight to the next chapter.

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 21

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it.

Everything that happened, and every way that we grew led us to this moment.

Levi has arrived at my house. We've see each other's face. We've exchanged our very first hug, and now he's followed me into my house. It's time to get to know each other.

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 20

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment.

-

It's finally here, the moment we've all been looking forward to. I'm going to meet Levi face to face for the very first time. He's only hours away from my front door, and I'm only hours away from meeting the man who would be my husband....

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 19

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment.

-

I'd fallen in love with a man I'd never met. And I was going to meet him in four days. The time couldn't move quickly enough. 

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 18

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment. 

-

My house was clean. My yard was finally put together. The crap behind my back shed was finally cleared away. Now all I needed was for the weekend to arrive, and with it, a man I'd never met but who I was slowly falling for....

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 17

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment. 


We'd made plans. His visit to me was in motion. I had about a week and a half to ready myself for what I thought was (and what turned out to be) the most important meeting of my life. Yeah, I know, that sounds dramatic and most definitely cliche, but it is what it is. There's a reason things become cliches...

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 16

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment. 


It was out there. We wanted to meet eat other. Now we had to figure out how to make that happen since we were separated by about 700 miles! 

-

Chapter 16: Plans

We were still on the phone, and the knot that had been twisting ever tighter in my stomach was finally untied. Our baggage was unpacked, we weren't scared away by what we found there, and the words "I want to meet you" had finally come out of Levi's mouth. And I'd answered them in kind. A new kind of excitement had set in, and it was finally something soothing. 

"So," I said, letting out one of those relieved, sort of nervous laughs, "how are we going to do this?"

"Well," he replied, laughing the same way, "I had a few ideas. How would you feel about me coming to you?"

"I feel really good about that." 

We tentatively decided that Levi would come down to visit me over a long weekend sometime in the next month or two. He'd take Friday and Monday off and use those days mostly for driving the 12 hour it would take him to get down to Southwest Kansas. 

"I don't think I could manage next weekend, but I'll let you know as soon as I figure something out," he told me. 

'Next weekend?!' I thought to myself. 'This guy seriously wants to come see me.' 

Now, I know a number of people might have been creeped out by a thought like that, but, surprisingly, I wasn't--and I'd been creeped out by a number of guys in my time. As I wondered why I wasn't running for the hills I realized: I was just as in to him as he was to me. We simply couldn't scare each other away. It was an incredibly relaxing thought because it meant that I didn't have to watch my words carefully or downplay my feelings when I talked to him for fear of running him off. 

I found myself thinking 'Up to two months before we can see each other? I don't want to wait that long.'

We ended our phone conversation on a sort-of breathless high note, both feeling like we'd reaching a huge stepping stone. You know those relationship moments? You have a big DTR talk (Define the Relationship) that goes the direction you were hoping, and then the two of you just sort of bask in the afterglow of a deeper understanding and a new closeness. 

The next day I sent Levi another e-mail, which felt a little strange since it had suddenly become the less-deep form of conversation between us, and explained my schedule a little bit. You see, I was the assistant Forensics coach, and February was our prime tournament time. I didn't have a free weekend, but the end of January was a mere two weeks away. That meant we'd have to see each other immediately or wait for six weeks. And I didn't want to wait six weeks, so . . .

Levi sent me an e-mail back, saying the magic words, "I've come up with half a plan that I'll talk to you about tomorrow." 

In the conversation "tomorrow," he outlined his plan: He'd take work off surrounding the last weekend in January (under two weeks away), drive down so he'd arrive late Friday afternoon, spend the weekend with me, and then drive back up to Minnesota on Monday. It was a free weekend for me, and my excitement instantly shot through the roof. 

"It's a plan!" I said, my smile actually hurting my cheeks. 

-

 Next Chapter (Chapter 17: Cleaning House)                           Previous Chapter (Chapter 15: History, Part II)

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 15

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment. 



Levi and I had decided it was time to tell each other our romantic histories, both of which were heavy and difficult. He'd sent me his in a letter and was now calling to talk about it . . . and, I had just learned, to talk about meeting for the very first time . . . 

-

Chapter 15: History, Part II

Sitting on the carpet in my living room, I gazed down at my phone with a mixture of excitement and sheer terror. That fragile device, blinking and whirring and warbling out its little ringtone, was going to be the instrument by which my fate was decided. Yes, I know that sounds overly dramatic, but come on, people. Can you honestly say that you haven't felt the exact same way when you've been expecting a big phone call, and then that first ring bursts out of your phone and your stomach simultaneously drops and leaps into your throat?

That's where my stomach was residing as I picked up the phone. I held it in my palm and stared down at the blinking message, "Incoming call . . . LEVI." I reached over to my laptop, adjusted the screen, settled back against the bottom of the couch, took a steadying breath, and answered the phone. 

"Hey, you," I said. 

"Hey."

Thus began the most serious conversation we'd had to date. It was hard to know how to proceed. Did we chit chat first about our days? Did we dive right in to what Levi had written me? Did I tell him my baggage first and then just muck out both messes together? Or did we jump straight to the fact that Levi was going to ask about meeting each other face-to-face?

We began with chit chat. "How was your day?" "Oh, pretty good." "Yeah? That's good!" Now, I love Levi more than any human being on earth, and, even then, I held him in very high regard, but I was dying with that conversation. Come on! This huge, heavy stuff was hanging over our heads ready to drop any second, and here we are talking about what we ate for lunch that day. We did our best to sound casual and carefree, but neither of us was fooling the other. 

"So," he finally said, pausing meaningfully. "I guess we've got a lot to talk about tonight, huh?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Where do we start?"

We decided to start with his letter, or, at least, the first section. It was a strange feeling, asking him deeply personal questions about his life and his experiences. We'd never spoken so deeply with each other before, and, in a way, I still felt a bit like an outsider. Of course, that was the whole reason we were telling each other those things. You know the kind of feeling I'm talking about, gentle readers? You're a good friend with a person, and then suddenly some crazy real stuff gets brought up. The kind of stuff you've either got to live through with a person or never ask about. And you don't know what to say, and you're feeling awkwardly excited because you're at a true heart level of sharing, but the things being shared are rough. 

That's how I was feeling as I asked Levi questions. Actually, I only had about two or three questions that night. His letter had been so thorough that I wasn't left wondering about too many things. And as for the actual details about how his life had progressed, well, it might have been presumptuous, but I was hoping that I'd have plenty of time in the future to hear those details.....

Then it was my turn. 

"So," I said, pausing with the same meaning he'd paused with earlier. "I guess it's my turn to tell you my stuff."

"Only if you're ready," he said. "I don't want to push you."

"No," I hastily replied, "no, it's ok. I'm ready." 

"Ok."

"Oh, and one more thing," I stammered. "I'm not good at talking about these things off the top of my head, so I wrote a letter and I'm just going to read it to you word-for-word. Oh, and I'm definitely going to cry. But it's not because I'm really upset, it's because I always cry when I talk about deep heart things with people. Is that ok?"

"That's just fine," he laughed.

I began, my palms sweating and my heart thumping against my ribs. My stomach was back up in my throat again. About halfway through the letter my nose began to tingle--my body's sign that the tears were not far behind. Sure enough, about thirty seconds later they began to fall in earnest. So I finished my letter to Levi, crying and sniffling and trying not to sound too much like a bullfrog croaking into the phone. 

I was relieved to finally tell him the hardest things of my heart. The deepest things. Like he'd said to me in his letter, I found myself wanting to be vulnerable to him. 

He was quiet for a moment. And then that moment turned into a long moment. And then that long moment stretched into what felt like eternity. A voice inside my head started chattering, "He's not ok with it. You've scared him off. He thinks you're gross. He can't believe he'd get involved with a woman like you. He'll never want you now. You're damaged goods." The voice swirled around and around in my head, getting louder and louder until...

"Thank you," he said. 

"You're..." I hesitated, "you're, welcome."

Another pause. 

"Did you have any questions for me?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "Not right now. Not yet."

Another pause. And then I could help myself. 

"So, are you ok with what I told you?"

And I actually heard him smile over the phone. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm very ok with it."

I almost did a cartwheel. I decided against it mostly because I was on the phone, but otherwise, this girl would have been spinning circles. I settled for a Tiger Woods fist pump. Then the silence began to stretch on as I realized that we'd come to the next part of the conversation. The exciting and huge part. 

"So," he drawled. "I guess that bring us to the last part of my letter..."

"Yeah," I said, trying to breathe normally. "I guess so."

"So," he paused, sounding like he was gathering himself up, "I'd like us to meet each other. How do you feel about that?"

"Levi," I replied, a smile creeping across my face, "I feel really good about that."


-----


Next Chapter (Chapter 16: Plans)                                    Previous Chapter (Chapter 14: History, Part I)

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 14

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment. 

It was finally that time in the relationship. Well, courtship, I suppose, considering we weren't even officially using titles like "boyfriend" or "girlfriend." We really liked each other. We knew we had a great time talking to each other. We were pretty convinced that the other was good-looking, if picture evidence was any proof. It was time to open up the back closet and pull out our baggage. That really tough stuff that would be hard for most people to deal with, not to mention the one you're beginning to think could be THE ONE....

*Disclaimer: Though the details of our romantic histories added essential depth and understanding to our marriage, I'm leaving them out of this blog. What matters on this blog is our marriage and our history together. Those of you who do know us personally will be able to read deeper into this chapter, but we ask that your comments refrain from mentioning details. Thank you!

-

Chapter 14: History, Part I

I knelt in front of my computer screen chewing my finger nails down to nubs. Well, chewing the nubs down into painful stubs. The cursor on my blank Word document sat there, blinking at me and daring me to start writing. 

It was time to write out my romantic history to Levi. From what he'd told me from our very first letter, I knew that his own history would be full of pain, regret, and difficulty. Mine was full of those same things, and I'd resolved to tell him all of it. I wouldn't spare him anything. Well, I'd spare him unimportant details for the sake of time as I was sure he would do for me (we had a grand total of almost 10 years worth of past serious relationships to discuss, a 6+ chunk of which was mine). That added up to a lot of baggage and a lot of past hurts and a lot of things that needed to be aired out. 

So I sat there, not sure where to begin. Did I start with my freshman year of college? Did I start with my 7th year of college (yeah I know, not all of us can get that perfect degree in 4 years)? Did I begin with my last summer in my tiny town? 

As I mulled it over, the pieces of my past and the black pit I fell into that last summer began to fall into place for me in a way they hadn't previously. I began to see the cause and effect chain, and I began to realize how small decisions made from resentment, selfishness, or rebellion eventually grew into the giant monster of a mess that my life had become months before meeting Levi. 

As my hindsight stretched back and became crystal clear, I knew where to begin. I knew where the first seeds of hurt had been sown. I started writing. I poured it all out. Every bit of hurt and every bit of resentment and every bit of stupidity on my part all found its way onto the page. 

After about an hour of writing I sat back and reread my story. After I finished I had a few tears streaming down my face, and I needed to take a breath. Dang. That stuff was heavy. Really heavy. And a large portion of it was shameful in my eyes. I stretched my hands back out to the keyboard and began to edit the story together into something that made a little more sense and condensed the hard things into sentences rather than long paragraphs. 

I called my friend in Wichita, Kristy, who I'd been confiding in. She alone knew the deepest things and the hardest things. I asked her if she'd mind listening to what I'd written and if she thought I was leaving anything out or saying anything that didn't really need to be said. 

She listened as I read to her, and afterward she said, "Well, MB, I think you've said it all. It's pretty blunt, but you're not hiding anything, and you don't repeat yourself. It's sounds right to me."

We talked a little bit longer about Levi, which was nice because up until that point I'd only told her briefly that I was talking to a young man who I really liked. As I talked to her I began to realize that once Levi and I got to this serious stuff it was probably time to start letting people in my life know about him. That was likely to be a long and involved process, so I put it out of my mind for the time being. 

Around 5:00 I had my e-mail open when a new one showed up. 

"eHarmony Match Communication Received!"

It was Levi. 

I opened it up, butterflies racing in my stomach like crazy. It was time to hear about his past. 

The subject line said, "A big, heavy e-mail... :)".

His letter began with sweet things. They sort of took me by surprise, too, because these were sweet things that were clear rather than sort of sideways (does that make sense?). And they ended up being a really good thing to start his letter with because it helped reassure me that his affection was becoming as deep as mine.

I think I smile the entire time we're on the phone. I smile when I think about talking to you too, so I've been doing an awful lot of smiling lately.

And,

I've started to get to some of this serious stuff during the last couple of phone calls, but I get distracted by your laugh. You have a very pretty laugh. Actually, you have three. A chuckle, a giggle, and a big laugh, the latter of which comes in fours. Except when you laugh the hardest, it comes in threes. And all of them are wonderful to hear.

Seriously, people. The man had categorized my laughs. That was incredibly attractive to me because a) he had paid attention to me and b) he had put them into categories and a list, which you can tell c) is one of my favorite things to do myself. 

Then it was finally time to get into the history portion of the e-mail.

He told me about his past. A lot of it was hard to hear, but not because I didn't like what he was telling me. It was hard to hear because my heart broke for him and those involved. My heart broke for him that he'd had to endure pain like that, and my heart broke for those involved because they sounded so lost. 

After he described the events of his past to me he wrote, "So there's the narrative... Now the important part."

He told me what he'd learned from the whole ordeal and answered a few of the questions he'd asked himself over and over again--questions that I probably would have asked him myself. He'd learned things the hard way, but the lessons he came away with only deepened my respect for him and my belief in the expanse of his wisdom for such a young person. 

Then he ended his letter to me, and my heart beat slowly increased until it was ready to break my ribs. I'm going to go ahead and quote the whole ending for you:

So there's that. None of this is off limits. If and when you ever have questions about any of this, all you have to do is ask. For you I am an open book. 
Man, this was intense. I'm really looking forward to talking to you tonight. I'm going to feel a little bit vulnerable, but I'm actually glad. I'm not just feeling willing; I'm finding myself wanting to be vulnerable to you. I hope that's not too forward of me to say. 
I think I'm going to play some bass now. Funky basslines are my brand of cigarette. :)
I hope you had a great day. Talk to you tonight!
-Levi
P.S. Tonight I'm going to ask about meeting you. I really like you, but I think it would be in both our interests to meet before we get too carried away. I know we don't exactly live next door to each other, but we can figure out the logistics. Anyway, I thought I would give you a heads up... 

As I attempted to work my brain around that, the phone rang. Levi was ready to talk. 

-

Better click on to the next chapter as soon as you can!


Next Chapter (Chapter 15: History, Part II)                         Previous Chapter (Chapter 13: The Weekend)

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 13

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment. 

Levi and I had now written 30 letters to each other (for a grand total of about 28,000 words as well) and spoken on the phone for over 7 hours. The weekend was fast approaching, as was a great deal of excitement to fill it with conversation with Levi. Who knew just how much conversation we'd have...

-

Chapter 13: The Weekend 

I came home from school on Friday in a tired sort of haze. It was partly because I'd spent it all at an inservice, and I was completely unused to working on Fridays, let alone two Fridays in a row. It was also because Levi and I had talked for five hours the night before. I wasn't quite sure how long it actually ended up being because we were both so tired by the end that all we could do was slip into sleep after hanging up. Somehow we simply couldn't stop talking to each other. There seemed to be so much to say and so little time to say it. 

Levi and I had decided not to talk on Friday because I had another basketball game to go to, so I quickly ripped off my work clothes and yanked on my jeans and a Bluejays sweater. As I was hopping around on one foot trying to shove the other into my jeans I was simultaneously signing into my eHarmony account. Nothing yet. Not that I expected it. It was only 4:30 in the afternoon after all. 

The games seemed to stretch on forever, and where a month ago I might have been engrossed in the play-by-play action I found myself daydreaming and wondering how many more minutes I had to wait until I could get home and read Levi's letter. I was getting pretty caught up in getting to know him. It was even tougher because I was there with Ann, and she kept trying to engage me in conversation and I kept losing our train of thought. Oops. 

When I finally pulled into the driveway, I got out of the car and into my house as fast as I could. There on my e-mail was a letter waiting for me from Levi. He had started the letter to me on Thursday afternoon, but after a marathon talking session on Thursday night he hadn't finished it. He'd gone to work Friday morning and then to dinner with some people from church that evening, so he was dead tired and dragging his feet, but he still managed to write me a page to finish the e-mail. I went to bed that night tired and smiling.

I was ready to talk to him again, and I thought I'd have to take a long drive the next night (getting a friend somewhere she needed to be), but it turned out I was off the hook for it. I spent the afternoon writing a long letter to Levi and getting ready to talk to him. We'd decided that 5:00 was a good time to start our conversation since we had weekend minutes and plenty of time in case another 5 hour conversation took place....

In our letters we'd begun to discuss the difference between love/infatuation and happiness/joy. By this point things kept teetering on some pretty deep things, mostly about our different pasts and what brought us to where we were. The balance was beginning to become difficult for both of us. Levi had even said in his most recent letter, "Agh! I keep thinking of things to write and then I think I want to ask you about them on the phone. I guess it won't hurt to talk about them both times. :)"

Saturday evening finally rolled around, and Levi called. We began to talk, relaxed and smiling. We ventured onto the topic of movies, and I mentioned that I had over 250 (at that point, at least). He wanted to know what I had, so I hopped up and ran to my bookcase, stuck my finger onto the movies and began to scroll through. I was going to skip some of the sillier ones, but I wanted to mention the ones I thought that hip, young people like ourselves would enjoy. 

"Ok," I said, my finger poised, "I'm going to go through my movies in order because they're alphabetized, so you'll get the ones with numbers in the titles first."

He chuckled at me and said, "Ok, well as long as you don't have one movie, we'll be fine."

Oh no, I thought, certain that I'd have it. "What is it?" I asked. 

"500 Days of Summer."

"Oh no!" I cried. "I knew you were going to say that! I do have it. Why don't you like it?!"

"It's just so overly kitschy. And don't get me started on Zooey Deschenel."

I decided to avoid that landmine for the time being, so I just said, "Oh man. I really did like that movie."

"It's OK," he said, a smile in his voice. "I'll forgive you your terrible taste in movies."

I started laughing and began to name off more movies. It seemed like each movie I named was met with a cringe in his voice, bland acceptance, or fervent dislike. By the end of the list it was almost a game. I'd name a movie and Levi would find a new way to trash it. 

And here's the thing, in case you were wondering. I have pretty darn good taste in movies, OK? I not only own the pretentious stuff like Citizen Kane and Dr. Strangelove, but I also really like it! Foreign stuff! Snooty stuff that people who say they like "film" instead of "movies" enjoy. Fun stuff, too! Over the years I'd built up quite a bit of pride in my cultural awareness and affinity for good film. I was so stuffed full of elitist pride, and here was this guy from Texas maligning my impeccable taste (and, p.s. in the long run Levi's been good to encourage me not to be so snobbish and prideful).

"Well," I said, sniffing haughtily, "it's clear to me that you simply need a bit a culture. Thank goodness you've got me."

We continued to laugh about that for a few minutes, then Levi quieted down considerably. Giving him some time to collect his thoughts I wondered what he was gearing up to say. Butterflies began to flutter. 

"You know," he began slowly, "I think it would  be good for us to start getting into deep things. I want to tell you my history and the hard things from my past." 

"I'm ready for that, too," I said calmly. This is what was going through my head though: Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, here it comes, oh man, we're getting deep, here it comes, oh man, I really like him. 

"Ok," he said, taking a deep breath. "I'm going to write it out to you in a long e-mail and you can read over it tomorrow before we talk."

"That sounds like a good idea," I said, simultaneously excited and nervous and trying to sound collected. 

Our conversation wound down for the evening, hitting the 5 hour mark yet again. I fell into bed knowing that Levi's next letter to me would finally move our friendship into a much deeper level. And if I was willing to be honest with myself, this was already a lot more than a simple friendship to me....

-

The next letter from Levi was coming, and I knew that this letter, more than any letter to date, would be the most important one he'd ever sent me. Better read it right away. 


Next Chapter (Chapter 14: History, Part I)                          Previous Chapter (Chapter 12: The Weekend)

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 12

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us before we met, we wouldn't change anything about it. 

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment. 

We'd talked on the phone twice for a grand total of four hours. We'd already written 27 letters back and forth. The weekend was drawing near, and who knew what it would bring....

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Chapter 12: A Wednesday Conversation

As I pulled into my driveway after a 15-hour work day (the last 7 of which had been filled with corralling hyper-active junior high students), I sat in the driver's seat for a few seconds, slightly slumped. I was exhausted. 

I managed to drag myself out of the car and up the stairs into my house, lugging my purse and my work satchel behind me. Dumping it all onto my dining room table, I pulled the laptop from the bag and carried it into bed with me. I may have been ready to fall asleep that very minute, but I still had to see if Levi had written to me. He had, of course. 

I read the letter, occasionally jerking my head up when I felt myself drifting off. I smiled to myself as I read that he was looking forward to our next phone call the next evening, and then I folded the lid of the laptop down, placed it on the floor, wrapped my covers tightly around my shoulders, and immediately fell asleep. 

The next morning I awoke a bit tired, but completely refreshed. As I stood in the shower, waking up in the hot water, I began to muse over Levi's letter from the previous evening. His letters were still sweet and thoughtful, but his tone seemed different to me somehow. He was becoming even more transparent, and I felt admiration in his words. Not the kind of admiration for someone who also likes Star Wars, but the kind of admiration for a person of character. 

That realization kept me grinning through most of the day, and I began a letter to Levi when I got home from school that afternoon. I stopped writing about five minutes before Levi called, and we spoke to each other on the phone again. 

Our phone call was light and airy. We laughed quite a bit and shared funny stories about our lives and our childhoods. I told him about Doctor Who and Kazakhstan, and he told me about Papua New Guinea and how different Minnesota was from Texas. 

We rambled on and on until Levi suddenly said, "Hey, do you realize what time it is?" 

"No," I said. "What time is it?"

"Ok, you're not going to believe it," he said, a smile in his voice, "but it's 10:30."

"What?!" I exclaimed. "Are you serious? We've been on the phone for three and a half hours?!"

"Uh huh," he said, laughing.

"Oh man. I need to go to bed!"

We said goodnight to each other and decided that we were going to talk again the next night. I think we both realized that pretending to take things slowly was a little silly after talking for three and a half hours in one go. We might as well just go for broke.

I stayed up for a bit longer to finish writing an e-mail, but left it on the short side since it was way past my bedtime. 

I floated on a cloud at school on Thursday, ready for the phone call that evening. Who knew how long it would be this time?

-

This one was a bit short, I know, but don't worry, The next one is ready and waiting for you. 


Next Chapter (Chapter 13: The Weekend)                   Previous Chapter (Chapter 11: Gathering Momentum)

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 11

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us, we wouldn't change anything about it.

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment.

Ok. So far Levi and I have written 24 letters back and forth and had our first phone call. The next one had been set up, and the excitement of getting to know each other was beginning to sweep us away...

-

Chapter 11: Gathering Momentum

The next day went by in a sort of fog. A bright and glowing sort of fog though, not a gloomy and depressing fog.

After I got home from church the next day I sat down to some lunch and composed a letter to Levi in reply to the letter he'd sent immediately after our phone call. I was still somewhat amazed that he'd had more to say to me after talking for an hour and a half.

Little did I know that I was soon going to learn that we could talk for a lot longer than a mere hour and a half.

On Monday I was more filled with energy than I had been for the entire school year. I worked on homework and created new assignments for students, singing to myself (or in my head if students were around) the whole time. Surprisingly, I was able to remain focused on my work and calm. Knowing that I had a pleasant phone call to look forward to was now a soothing thought, rather than one that tied my stomach in knots.

Because of silly phone plans, we had to wait until 7:00 that evening to talk, so I had some time to kill when I got home. I busied myself cleaning around the house, making some dinner, and grading a few papers. By 6:55 I was sitting on the floor in front of my couch, a pillow behind my back and a blanket wrapped around my legs.

I was ready.

Levi called right on time, and we began to chat. I wish I could tell you what we talked about, but, again, it's so hard to remember specifics, especially with the number of phone hours we would eventually rack up over our relationship.

I do remember that this phone call was more relaxed. Levi talked a bit more, and I was able to remain calm and not blather on and on about silly things. I didn't move from my spot on the floor except to roll over once and awhile when my back or stomach would get sore. Besides that, I was totally immersed in our conversation.

We wrapped up the phone conversation and decided to talk again on Wednesday (a two day window still felt like a safely conservative approach) when Levi confessed that he'd already started writing me a letter and intended to finish it that night. He wanted to write to me right away again!

"You know," I thought to myself, "here's a guy who's not playing it cool at all. He's completely putting himself out there, and if I'm not really interested in him he's already going to be hurt."

I mulled it over (and really, it only took a split-second), and then I smiled.

I did like him. A lot.

Just how much I liked him was pretty evident when I woke up the next day, realizing that my day was totally and utterly jam-packed. I had school, which for me went from 6:00 a.m. (yes, I went to work ridiculously early) to 4:00 p.m., and then I had to work the concession stand for the basketball games, which would keep me there until 10:00, easily.

What was I going to do? There would be no way to sit down and write to him between school and basketball, and forget about writing to him after running the concession stand at a basketball game. I'd be lucky if I managed to crawl from my car to my door after that one.

My solution? I left a Word document up on my computer all day, and as I had little free moments, I would write a sentence or two. I ate lunch in my classroom and wrote through that half hour. By the time the last hour of the day rolled around I'd written an entire letter. Also, since I had the entire day to keep adding things, it ended up being the longest letter I'd written to him yet. We're talking two pages, single-spaced, people. Yeah.

I'd decided not to play it cool either. After sending that off, he'd know for sure how much I already liked him. And if he was willing to put himself out there, well, then I was too. I was feeling more and more confident each day that this man wasn't going to break my heart.

And, of course, I was right. :)

-

Oh, dear readers, just wait until the end of that week rolls around in the story. Who knew that two people could talk on the phone so much? We're about to find out just how much it is...


Next Chapter (Chapter 12: The Weekend)                          Previous Chapter (Chapter 10: That Voice)

Letters, Lightsabers, and Love: Chapter 10

Levi and I married each other in June of 2012 after only six months of head-over-heels, foolish-about-each-other love. Our story, like every love story, has its own unique and sweet moments and timings. We continue to marvel at the way God orchestrated our lives to bring us together, and though it included pain and trials for both of us, we wouldn't change anything about it.

Everything that happened and every way that we grew led us to this moment.

Levi had called me. The phone was in my hands. Now I just had to think of something to say...

-

Chapter 10: That Voice

One hand gripping the wheel of my car that I was driving along the semi-dark highway and the other shaking slightly as I held the phone up to my ear, I said my first word to Levi.

"Hello?"

"Hey there," he said brightly. "This is Levi."

There was a slight flopping feeling in my chest. Pretty sure my heart was doing some skipping.

"Hi!" I exclaimed. "Can I ask for a huge favor?"

"Oh, sure, no problem," he said, sounding a little bit startled.

"Ok, so I know this is the first time we've ever talked," I began, picking up speed as I went, "but I'm driving on the highway right now and I got into a car accident here earlier in the year and I just don't feel safe talking on the phone while I'm driving here. Can I call you back?"

"That's fine," he said.

"I promise I will," I assured him. "Ten minutes. Tops."

We said goodbye and it took every bit of willpower I possessed to keep myself going the speed limit. All I wanted to do was pull into my driveway, toss my purse onto the table as I walked into my house, plop down on the couch, and talk to Levi as long as he'd tolerate it.

Exactly 7 minutes later I was doing just that. It might have been 2 minutes faster than normal, but who's to know for sure?

I slid open my phone and called the Minnesota number back. My heart took a few more skipping steps as it rang.

"Hey, there," said Levi's voice.

And there it was. We were talking. The thing I'd wanted so badly just a day before was currently taking place.

I found myself nervous. Like, really nervous. I already liked this guy on paper, but what if it was too awkward to talk to him? What if he had weird breathing habits or used too many filler words (such as "um," "like," or "so")? What if wasn't actually as eloquent as he seemed to be in his letters? What if he thought I was silly or shallow or boring?

Thankfully, with years of training as a teacher I could converse in a stressful and unknown situation while sounding confident and knowledgeable.

In that first conversation I learned that Levi was easy to talk to, used no filler words, and breathed normally. He wasn't overly verbose, but he sounded more than a little intelligent when speaking freely. And he sounded like he was smiling, which was a good clue that he was happy to be talking to me.

Speaking of overly verbose, though, I might have been a little too talkative during that first conversation. I found myself even more attracted to him once I'd heard his voice, and suddenly my words were spilling out faster than I could think of them.

I know he and I talked about things. I mean, we would have to, right? But I can't remember everything that we talked about in that first conversation. I seem to remember me rambling on and on about poetry and Levi listening attentively, but I really couldn't say what was said.

His voice was wonderful. It was quiet, calm, and deliberate. It wasn't labored or slow, and it wasn't formal. His drawl was soft, without a hint of twang. It was a voice I already longed to hear again, and I wasn't even done having the first conversation with him!

Levi would tell me later that he'd been psyching himself up all day to call me (it was a Saturday), and finally worked up the nerve. Those same fears I had about talking to him? He had them, too. And he was more than happy to let me ramble on in that first conversation because it meant that he could slowly relax and get to know my voice, which, incidentally, he found very sweet.

We reached a stopping point in our conversation, and decided to set another time to call. Now here was the tricky part. I wanted to talk to him again right away (he wanted the same thing), but I felt that I should at least try to be conservative about things. So we decided to talk again in two days. That was about as conservative as I could get. Also, it's about as conservative as things would get in our relationship. 

As I slid my phone shut, a huge smile on my face and a warm feeling in my arms and shoulders (that's what happens when I get really excited), I glanced at the phone. Oh my word! We'd talked for an hour and a half! And that was only our first conversation!

I was officially dying for more.

After a late supper that night I was relaxing in front of some Firely (more nerd evidence) when I casually checked my e-mail. I sat up straight, dropping my tortilla chip on the carpet. An e-mail! From Levi! Already?

I opened it and read, "Hey there! So, I just got off of the phone with you and I really enjoyed it. I'll be honest, I was pretty nervous before I called. But now the ice is broken. :) I'm really looking forward to talking to you again. You sound like a sweet girl in your e-mails, and now I know you sound sweet on the phone too. :)"

Be still, my heart!

But it wouldn't be still. It was only going to keep beating faster and faster as the days wore on, the letters kept coming, and the calls lasted for hours . . .

-

In the next chapter, we'll see how much you can handle as the phone calls and letters continue to pour in!

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